Yummy Mummy Emporium & Apothecary
  • STORE
    • Store: All Items
    • MEDICAL JEWELRY >
      • Amber Teething Jewelery
      • Adult Amber
      • Hazelwood for Babies & Children
      • Hazelwood for Teens & Adults
    • FOR CHILDREN >
      • Cloth Diapers
      • Leg Warmers for Children
      • Footless Tights
      • Waterproof Training Pants
      • Silicone Chew Beads
      • Children's Hats
      • Helmet Covers
      • Books
      • Baby Foot Flowers
      • Bows, Bands & Clips
      • Swaddle Blankets
    • Himalayan Crystal Salt
    • ESSENTIAL OILS >
      • Pure Essential Oils
      • Room Sprays
      • For Bugs
      • Natural Hand Sanitizer
  • NATURAL BODY CARE
    • Hair Care
    • Healing Creams
    • Healing Oils
    • Salves & Ointments
    • Lip Care
    • Deodorant
    • Diaper Cream
    • Oral Care
    • Sunscreen
    • Soap
    • Natural Perfume, Incense, Smudge
  • HEALTH
    • EMF PROTECTION
    • FOOD & DRINK
    • GEMSTONES
    • SUPPLEMENTS >
      • Botanicals
      • Colloidal Silver
      • DMSO - Dimethyl Sulfoxide
      • Healthy Fats
      • Homeopathic Remedies
      • Magnesium
      • Metal Detox
      • MSM Sulfur Products
      • Probiotics
      • Tinctures
      • Vitamins & Minerals
    • Holistic Health Consultations >
      • Rife Machine
      • Reiki
    • Learn Angelic Reiki >
      • Angelic Reiki 1&2 Certification Course
      • Angelic Reiki 3&4 Masters Certification Course
      • Spiritual Resources
  • HANDMADE
  • Blog
  • Talks & Classes
  • About
    • Amandha's Bio
    • Contact
    • Shipping Policy
    • Privacy Policy
    • Return Policy
  • Members Only

10 Things to do instead of yelling

12/8/2016

Comments

 
Picture
As parents, it can be way too easy to slip into a pattern of yelling way more than we like.
Not only does this create a scary, toxic environment for everybody, but it's not even effective.
Here's 10 things to try instead. They might not always work, but neither does yelling, and you just might find that you need to use them less after a while.

​
  1. Take a deep breath. If you're going to react, breathe first and think of what you're going to do or say. Nine times out of ten, just that breath will help you react in a better way.
  2. Put on your granny glasses. Pretend you're many years older, looking back at the scene from years in the future. Will any part of you miss the mayhem? Will this scene not seem so catastrophic? Would you regret yelling or acting ugly in this moment later?
  3. Play grandma for real. Take it a step further and think of how you'd react if these were your grandchildren instead of your children. What would a good grandma do? Chances are, you'd use a mix of wisdom, understanding, love and humor (and let a little more slide).
  4. Walk away. If it's something that really doesn't matter (the couch cushions are all on the floor after you've just straightened them the 5th time today), let it go. Fix it later, and let a little low level trouble go for now.
  5. Laugh or smile (even inside). Kids are really good at making us crazy, and they're often really creative too. We can get so caught up in how much work they make for us that we can lose sight of the fact that sometimes their actions are really pretty funny when we stop to think about them. If you're likely to look back and laugh at years later, why not start now?
  6. Tell them what to do instead. You don't need to yell to get good behavior. Kids often listen better when they're spoken to purposefully, slowly, respectfully and with eye contact (sometimes with physical contact too, such as a hand on the shoulder). Instead of yelling for five minutes, try simply stating what is going on and what you want done about it.
  7. Be silly. If what you're doing isn't working, try a little goofiness. Cluck like a chicken, threaten to carry the kids upside down if they don't stop what they're doing, or suddenly grab your throat and cough, gasping out "I can't breathe from all the bickering! Save me! Save me! Please be nice to each other before I'm a goner! Gasp, cough, sputter...".
  8. Hand them a note. Write down what you'd like them to do, walk in wordlessly, and hand it to them. Walk out again, and see what happens.
  9. Think back to your childhood. Before you holler, take a minute to remember yourself at that age. Think about what troublesome things you did and how your parents acted. Also think back to times you were troublesome and were treated kindly anyway (by parents, grandparents, teachers, babysitters, anybody) and how that felt.
  10. Give them a hug. Yes, they may be acting rotten right now. They may be making you crazy. Yes, they should know better. Yes, they should act better. Yes to all of it. But at the end of the day, these are the small things in life. They are healthy and in your life. They are good little people at the heart of things. Besides, hugs make everything seem better (for the donor and the recipient!).

Remember the old adage: The days are long but the years are short. Parenting is hard, but so is being a child. Try responding in some new ways and see if the days get a little easier for everybody.
​
Be sure to be gentle and loving to yourself too!

Comments

15 Rules To Foster Good Behaviour In Children

9/27/2014

Comments

 
Picture
1. Play (and work) with them often.
This is the best way to teach children cooperation and self-restraint. The best way to help children learn to cooperate, when there is work that needs to be done, is to work with them.

Every moment of interactive play with an admired adult offers an opportunity for children to learn rules and limits. In the course of this play (and work), children come to understand that rules are necessary -- for safety and for living with others. To the dismay of many well-intentioned parents, most children do not learn good behavior from repeated talks or lectures.

A generation ago, developmental psychologists Eleanor Maccoby and Mary Parpal instructed parents to play each night with their children in whatever way their child wanted to play. Just two weeks later, these children more readily cooperated when asked to clean up their toys.

Since then, the importance of interactive play has been repeatedly demonstrated -- in clinical interventions for oppositional and defiant children, in preschool and kindergarten educational programs and in neuroscience research. I will discuss this research in more detail in future posts.

2. Express enthusiastic interest in your child's interests, even if these are not the interests you would choose.
Enthusiastic interest in our children's interests is a first principle of strengthening parent-child relationships -- and of fostering cooperative behavior. At the risk of being somewhat crass, we can think of enthusiastic interest as the deposit that we draw on when it is time to set limits. (Or, as the behavioral psychologist Alan Kazdin points out, the effectiveness of our time-outs depends largely on the quality of our time-ins.)

3. Repair moments of anger and misunderstanding.
When feelings of anger and unfairness linger, children are far more likely to become irritable, uncooperative and disrespectful. We should therefore set aside some time, every day, to repair angry interactions.

4. Engage them in problem solving.
Most common behavior problems are best solved proactively. Place the problem before your child and ask for her ideas. (For example, "We seem to have a problem every morning, when it's time to get ready for school. What do you think we can do about this?") Then, together, develop a plan. When we enlist children in solving problems, we have changed the channel. Instead of thinking about how they can get what they want, they begin to think, even if just for that moment, about how to solve a problem.

5. Teach them a language of emotion regulation and emotional intelligence.
Children behave well when they have learned to handle (or, as we now say, "regulate") the anxieties, frustrations and disappointments of everyday life -- when they come to learn that disappointments are disappointments, not catastrophes. They develop this ability through emotional dialogue.

Acknowledge their disappointments and frustrations. Talk with them about your own frustrations and disappointments -- and how you coped with them.

6. Teach them to wait.
Pamela Druckerman, in her entertaining account of parenting in contemporary Paris, observed that French parents, from a very early age, do not immediately meet a child's demands. Instead, they stress the importance of teaching children to wait. And, unlike American children, French kids don't throw food.

7. Offer encouragement, not criticism.
When you need to criticize, criticize thoughtfully and gently. Persistent criticism breeds resentment and defiance, which then undermine a child's initiative and sense of responsibility.

If we are frequently angry and critical, our children will not be well behaved, no matter how much discipline we provide.

8. When you have to say "No," say "No" calmly. Then, insist that they speak to you calmly.
Our mantra should be, "Johnny, when you're calm, we can talk about this."

9. Begin your sentences with "When..." or "As soon as...."
Too often, we begin our sentences, "If you don't...." This simple change of tone and grammar often makes a dramatic difference in the cooperativeness of young children.

10. Compromise.
Compromise is not giving in. When we compromise with children, we teach them to compromise -- to think about how their needs and the needs of others can be reconciled. Is there a more important lesson for children to learn, for all their future relationships?

11. Give them responsibilities.
Across cultures, children who are given responsibilities (for example, when they have chores or teach younger children) show more helpfulness and caring behavior toward others.

As a side benefit, they also begin to experience our point of view. They learn, firsthand, how annoying it is when you are trying to get things done and someone doesn't listen.

12. Teach them the importance of other people's feelings.
Respect for the needs and feelings of others is the foundation of moral behavior.

In a series of important studies, psychologist Ross Thompson and his colleagues found that the mothers of children with strong moral development spoke to their children in an emotion-rich language and made frequent references, not to rules and consequences, but to other people's feelings.

13. Let them know when their behavior is over the line.
Then, take a brief time-out. But it is really a time-out, with an opportunity to start over, to try again, to do better the next time.

14. Let them know that you are proud of them.
Especially for the good things they do for others.

15. Take time to listen.
Hear their side of the story. Tell them what is right about what they are saying or doing before you tell them what they are doing wrong.

When children feel that their concerns and grievances have been listened to and understood, they will make fewer, not more, demands. And we will have an easier time when it is time to say no.


See original post here



Comments

    Amandha D. Vollmer

    This creative mompreneur herbalist
    has training in reiki and in naturopathic medicine. She creates alchemy with medicinal herbs and natural oils: her medicinal tea blends and holistic skin care products
    are found no where else.

    Archives

    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    August 2016
    August 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014

    Categories

    All
    Babies
    Bacteria
    Beautiful
    Behaviour
    BPA
    Breastfeeding
    Burns
    Chemicals
    Children
    Craft
    Educational
    Essential Oils
    Family
    First Aid
    Fitness
    Food
    Fun
    Giveaway
    Gut Health
    Healing
    Health
    Homeopathy
    Hormones
    Immune System
    Leaky Gut
    Love
    Milk Supply
    Mother
    Parenting
    Play
    Positive Parenting
    Probiotics
    Protocol
    Rules
    Self
    Skin
    Spiritual
    Study
    Supplements
    Thrush
    Truth
    Value

    RSS Feed

  • STORE
    • Store: All Items
    • MEDICAL JEWELRY >
      • Amber Teething Jewelery
      • Adult Amber
      • Hazelwood for Babies & Children
      • Hazelwood for Teens & Adults
    • FOR CHILDREN >
      • Cloth Diapers
      • Leg Warmers for Children
      • Footless Tights
      • Waterproof Training Pants
      • Silicone Chew Beads
      • Children's Hats
      • Helmet Covers
      • Books
      • Baby Foot Flowers
      • Bows, Bands & Clips
      • Swaddle Blankets
    • Himalayan Crystal Salt
    • ESSENTIAL OILS >
      • Pure Essential Oils
      • Room Sprays
      • For Bugs
      • Natural Hand Sanitizer
  • NATURAL BODY CARE
    • Hair Care
    • Healing Creams
    • Healing Oils
    • Salves & Ointments
    • Lip Care
    • Deodorant
    • Diaper Cream
    • Oral Care
    • Sunscreen
    • Soap
    • Natural Perfume, Incense, Smudge
  • HEALTH
    • EMF PROTECTION
    • FOOD & DRINK
    • GEMSTONES
    • SUPPLEMENTS >
      • Botanicals
      • Colloidal Silver
      • DMSO - Dimethyl Sulfoxide
      • Healthy Fats
      • Homeopathic Remedies
      • Magnesium
      • Metal Detox
      • MSM Sulfur Products
      • Probiotics
      • Tinctures
      • Vitamins & Minerals
    • Holistic Health Consultations >
      • Rife Machine
      • Reiki
    • Learn Angelic Reiki >
      • Angelic Reiki 1&2 Certification Course
      • Angelic Reiki 3&4 Masters Certification Course
      • Spiritual Resources
  • HANDMADE
  • Blog
  • Talks & Classes
  • About
    • Amandha's Bio
    • Contact
    • Shipping Policy
    • Privacy Policy
    • Return Policy
  • Members Only