As parents, it can be way too easy to slip into a pattern of yelling way more than we like.
Not only does this create a scary, toxic environment for everybody, but it's not even effective.
Here's 10 things to try instead. They might not always work, but neither does yelling, and you just might find that you need to use them less after a while.
Remember the old adage: The days are long but the years are short. Parenting is hard, but so is being a child. Try responding in some new ways and see if the days get a little easier for everybody.
Be sure to be gentle and loving to yourself too!
1. Play (and work) with them often.
This is the best way to teach children cooperation and self-restraint. The best way to help children learn to cooperate, when there is work that needs to be done, is to work with them.
Every moment of interactive play with an admired adult offers an opportunity for children to learn rules and limits. In the course of this play (and work), children come to understand that rules are necessary -- for safety and for living with others. To the dismay of many well-intentioned parents, most children do not learn good behavior from repeated talks or lectures.
A generation ago, developmental psychologists Eleanor Maccoby and Mary Parpal instructed parents to play each night with their children in whatever way their child wanted to play. Just two weeks later, these children more readily cooperated when asked to clean up their toys.
Since then, the importance of interactive play has been repeatedly demonstrated -- in clinical interventions for oppositional and defiant children, in preschool and kindergarten educational programs and in neuroscience research. I will discuss this research in more detail in future posts.
2. Express enthusiastic interest in your child's interests, even if these are not the interests you would choose.
Enthusiastic interest in our children's interests is a first principle of strengthening parent-child relationships -- and of fostering cooperative behavior. At the risk of being somewhat crass, we can think of enthusiastic interest as the deposit that we draw on when it is time to set limits. (Or, as the behavioral psychologist Alan Kazdin points out, the effectiveness of our time-outs depends largely on the quality of our time-ins.)
3. Repair moments of anger and misunderstanding.
When feelings of anger and unfairness linger, children are far more likely to become irritable, uncooperative and disrespectful. We should therefore set aside some time, every day, to repair angry interactions.
4. Engage them in problem solving.
Most common behavior problems are best solved proactively. Place the problem before your child and ask for her ideas. (For example, "We seem to have a problem every morning, when it's time to get ready for school. What do you think we can do about this?") Then, together, develop a plan. When we enlist children in solving problems, we have changed the channel. Instead of thinking about how they can get what they want, they begin to think, even if just for that moment, about how to solve a problem.
5. Teach them a language of emotion regulation and emotional intelligence.
Children behave well when they have learned to handle (or, as we now say, "regulate") the anxieties, frustrations and disappointments of everyday life -- when they come to learn that disappointments are disappointments, not catastrophes. They develop this ability through emotional dialogue.
Acknowledge their disappointments and frustrations. Talk with them about your own frustrations and disappointments -- and how you coped with them.
6. Teach them to wait.
Pamela Druckerman, in her entertaining account of parenting in contemporary Paris, observed that French parents, from a very early age, do not immediately meet a child's demands. Instead, they stress the importance of teaching children to wait. And, unlike American children, French kids don't throw food.
7. Offer encouragement, not criticism.
When you need to criticize, criticize thoughtfully and gently. Persistent criticism breeds resentment and defiance, which then undermine a child's initiative and sense of responsibility.
If we are frequently angry and critical, our children will not be well behaved, no matter how much discipline we provide.
8. When you have to say "No," say "No" calmly. Then, insist that they speak to you calmly.
Our mantra should be, "Johnny, when you're calm, we can talk about this."
9. Begin your sentences with "When..." or "As soon as...."
Too often, we begin our sentences, "If you don't...." This simple change of tone and grammar often makes a dramatic difference in the cooperativeness of young children.
Compromise is not giving in. When we compromise with children, we teach them to compromise -- to think about how their needs and the needs of others can be reconciled. Is there a more important lesson for children to learn, for all their future relationships?
11. Give them responsibilities.
Across cultures, children who are given responsibilities (for example, when they have chores or teach younger children) show more helpfulness and caring behavior toward others.
As a side benefit, they also begin to experience our point of view. They learn, firsthand, how annoying it is when you are trying to get things done and someone doesn't listen.
12. Teach them the importance of other people's feelings.
Respect for the needs and feelings of others is the foundation of moral behavior.
In a series of important studies, psychologist Ross Thompson and his colleagues found that the mothers of children with strong moral development spoke to their children in an emotion-rich language and made frequent references, not to rules and consequences, but to other people's feelings.
13. Let them know when their behavior is over the line.
Then, take a brief time-out. But it is really a time-out, with an opportunity to start over, to try again, to do better the next time.
14. Let them know that you are proud of them.
Especially for the good things they do for others.
15. Take time to listen.
Hear their side of the story. Tell them what is right about what they are saying or doing before you tell them what they are doing wrong.
When children feel that their concerns and grievances have been listened to and understood, they will make fewer, not more, demands. And we will have an easier time when it is time to say no.
See original post here
(HealthDay)—Two new studies further confirm the health benefits of breast-feeding.
One suggests that 6-year-olds who were breast-fed have a lower risk of ear, throat and sinus infections compared to bottle-fed infants, while the other finds a similar trend when it comes to allergies.
The research upholds the "many benefits of breast-feeding in the immediate newborn period," said Dr. Jennifer Wu, an obstetrician-gynecologist at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City. She was not involved in the new studies.
The studies were published online Sept. 1 in the journal Pediatrics.
Current recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics urge women to breast-feed baby exclusively for the first six months of life, and then combine breast milk and other foods until at least 12 months.
The two studies sought to determine if breast-feeding's health benefits lingered long after solid foods were introduced.
In one study, a group led by Dr. Ruowei Li, of the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, looked at data on medical office visits for nearly 1,300 6-year-olds.
Compared to children who hadn't been breast-fed for an extended time, children who had been breast-fed for nine or more months had lower odds of contracting an infection of the ear, throat or sinus, the team said.
For example, the breast-fed children had 31 percent lower odds of developing an ear infection over the past year, 32 percent lower odds for a throat infection and 53 percent lower likelihood for a sinus infection, the CDC team found.
Wu also noted that, "there was a decrease in infections if the mothers had breast-fed and there was a greater decrease depending on the amount of breast-feeding."
Why the effect? Li's team noted that "human milk is the best source of nutrition for most newborns and infants. In addition, human milk provides immunologic protection against many infections during infancy."
The new study now suggests that, "breast-feeding may protect against ear, throat and sinus infections well beyond infancy," the researchers added.
In the second study, a team led by Dr. Stefano Luccioli, of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration's Center for Food Safety and Applied Nutrition, looked at the rate of "probable food allergies" in 6-year-olds.
They found that children who had been exclusively breast-fed for four months or more had about half the odds of developing a food allergy compared to children who had been breast-fed for a lesser amount of time.
As Wu noted, the finding did have one limitation, however. "While breast-feeding did not decrease food allergies in high-risk populations, such as families who already have a history of food allergy, there was a decrease in low-risk populations," she said.
Another expert said the studies provide valuable information.
Nina Eng, chief clinical dietitian at Plainview Hospital in Plainview, N.Y., said the findings "point out two of the many important benefits of breast-feeding."
"These articles provide evidence that should inspire new moms to breast-feed their children," she said.
Dateline TV Producer Tested for Chemicals - BPA, Triclosan and Phthalates. The Products We Use, Matter.
I post this not to entice you into the fear, doubt and confusion of big media but to help you learn about some of the reasons to avoid plastics and chemicals in your daily lifestyle and how much this could assist you and your family toward better health. ~Amandha Vollmer
By Mae Wu
Did you catch the Dateline episode yesterday? It was a great report. The producer Andrea Canning wanted to see how her daily behavior could affect the levels of bisphenol A (BPA), phthalates and triclosan in her urine.
First, she found her baseline numbers, which were around the national average. Then she tried to eliminate these chemicals from her daily use—ate fresh fruits and veggies, used unscented cosmetics, avoided antibacterial soap and avoided plastic with the #7 recycling symbol. When she was tested again, her levels fell to almost zero. The next day, she tried to boost her numbers again by doing normal everyday things—microwaved her oatmeal in a plastic cup, had canned soup and vegetables for lunch and dinner, put on make-up with fragrance, drank a V-8 and a diet Coke in a can, washed her hands with Dial soap and brushed her teeth with Colgate Total. The result? Her numbers spiked.
She also tested levels in her kids. Her six month old baby had levels of triclosan that were 10 times higher than the national average; her toddler had levels of triclosan that were 100 times higher than the national average. Presumably her baby isn’t washing her hands with antibacterial soap or brushing her teeth with Colgate Total. When I asked Andrea Canning (via twitter) where she thought the high levels of triclosan came from, she didn’t know.
Triclosan is a stupid use of a toxic chemical. As my colleagues Gina Solomon and I and have blogged before, antibacterial soap containing triclosan is neither safe nor effective. (Read our factsheet and other materials).
But here’s a little good news on triclosan. Last week, we got an important win in court on our lawsuit against Food and Drug Administration (FDA) on triclosan. As my colleague Sarah Janssen explained, in 1978, the FDA proposed a rule that would have prohibited triclosan (and other chemicals) from being used in hand soaps because it was not shown to be safe or effective. But companies were allowed to keep selling soap containing triclosan until the rule was finalized.
Fast forward 35 years: FDA still has not finalized the rule, and the antibacterial soap industry has exploded. The Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC) sued FDA for its failure to protect the public health. The District Court in the Southern District of New York found that NRDC members who were exposed to triclosan soap at work could simply avoid triclosan by carrying soap in their pockets and dismissed the case. Fortunately, this week, the Second Circuit Court of Appeals disagreed with the district court. This means that our case gets to continue and we may just finally get a final rule by the FDA.
The news on BPA isn’t as good. Check out the science on BPA. We are all eating it when we eat or drink anything that comes out of a can. People are also likely being exposed from thermal paper receipts which are coated with BPA. The FDA did ban the use of BPA in baby bottles and sippy cups, but that was at the behest of the chemical industry. Tellingly, it only took FDA nine months to agree to industry’s request. But public interest groups ask the FDA to take steps to protect public health, the only response is silence.
In the meantime, in response to public’s demands, more and more manufacturers are moving away from BPA. Unfortunately, “BPA-free” doesn’t necessarily mean safe. One of the most common replacements is BPS—a chemical cousin to BPA which is also estrogenic. This just highlights the fact that the FDA is failing to identify and regulate sources of exposure to chemicals which have been identified as being harmful to human health.
And finally, phthalates: a new study finding phthalates in our food shows that even when you do the “right” thing, it is exceeding difficult to eliminate phthalate exposure.
Hopefully, with last night’s coverage on Dateline, more people will be wary of all the chemicals we are being exposed to through our common everyday products. And they will see that the federal agency whose mission is to protect public health has done nothing to step in and help us. Check out our Fix FDA page.
WATCH THE VIDEO HERE: http://ecowatch.com/2013/03/25/dateline-tv-producer-tested-for-chemicals/
Visit EcoWatch’s FOOD and BIODIVERSITY page for more related news on this topic.
Yummy Mummy Emporium Blog brings you great articles and information to make healthy decisions for your family.
I love when I can help families heal health challenges naturally.
Often I will get moms or grandmothers in the store asking about how to treat infant oral thrush holistically.
My protocol is as follows:
This treatment protocol is about 90% effective. It is 100% effective if the mother also balances out her food regime (refined sugar free, low fructose, high vegetable (ideally juicing), high quality fat and carbohydrates).
There is no need for harsh, suppressive pharmaceuticals. Most parents notice once a drug is removed, the thrush simply returns with a vengeance and the immune system has been further compromised by it.
Primarily, it is wise to support the body naturally to help the innate healing abilities do their fine work. Suppressive medicine is there as the last ditch effort, not the first step.
What many people do not realize is that the core issue at the center of women’s empowerment is the mother wound.
Difficulty and challenges between mothers and daughters are rampant and widespread but not openly spoken about. The taboo about speaking about the pain of the mother wound is what keeps it in place and keeps it hidden in shadow, festering and out of view.
What exactly is the mother wound?
The mother wound is the pain of being a woman passed down through generations of women in patriarchal cultures. And it includes the dysfunctional coping mechanisms that are used to process that pain.
The mother wound includes the pain of:
In our patriarchal, male-dominated culture women are conditioned to think of themselves as “less-than” and not deserving or worthy. This feeling of “less-than” has been internalized and passed down through countless generations of women.
The cultural atmosphere of female oppression puts daughters in a “double bind.”
Simply put, if a daughter internalizes her mother’s unconscious beliefs (which is some subtle form of “I’m not good enough”) then she has her mother’s approval but has in some way betrayed herself and her potential.
However, if she doesn’t internalize her mother’s unconscious beliefs in her own limitations but rather affirms her own power and potential, she is aware that her mother may unconsciously see this as a personal rejection.
The daughter doesn’t want to risk losing her mother’s love and approval, so internalizing these limiting, unconscious beliefs is a form of loyalty and emotional survival for the daughter.
It may feel dangerous for a woman to actualize her full potential because it may mean risking some form of rejection by her mother.
This is because the daughter may unconsciously sense that her full empowerment may trigger the mother’s sadness or rage at having had to give up parts of herself in her own life. Her compassion for her mother, a desire to please her, and a fear of conflict may cause her to convince herself that it’s safer to shrink and remain small.
A common objection to facing the mother wound is to “Let the past be in the past.” However, we never truly “escape” or bury the past. It lives in the present as the obstacles and challenges that we face every day. If we avoid dealing with the pain associated with one of THE most primary and foundational relationships in our lives, we are missing a pivotal opportunity to discover the truth of who we are and to authentically and joyfully live that truth.
Stereotypes that perpetuate the mother wound:
We all have sensed the pain that our mothers carry. And all of us are suspicious to some degree that we are partly to blame for her pain. Therein lies the guilt. This makes sense when considering the limited cognitive development of a child, which sees itself as the cause of all things. If we don’t address this unconscious belief as an adult, we may still be walking around with it and greatly limiting ourselves as a result.
The truth is that no child can save her mother.
No sacrifice a daughter makes will ever be enough to compensate for the high price her mother may have had to pay or for the losses she has accrued over the years, simply by being a woman and mother in this culture. And yet, this is what many women do for their mothers very early on in childhood: they unconsciously make a decision to not abandon or betray their mothers by becoming “too successful,” “too smart” or “too adventurous.” This decision is made out of love, loyalty and a true need for approval and emotional support from the mother.
Many of us confuse being loyal to our mothers with being loyal to their wounds, and thus, complicit in our own oppression.
These dynamics are very unconscious and they operate on a continuum. Even the most healthy, supportive mother/daughter relationships may have this dynamic to some degree by virtue of simply being women in this society. And for daughters who have mothers with serious issues (addictions, mental illness, etc.) the impact is can be very damaging and insidious.
Mothers must take responsibility and grieve their losses.
Being a mother in our society is unspeakably difficult. I’ve heard many women say “No one ever tells you how hard it is” and “Nothing prepares you for when you get home with the baby and realize what is being asked of you.” Our culture, especially the U.S., is very hard on mothers, offering little support and many are raising children alone.
Our society’s unspoken messages to mothers:
Mothers may unconsciously project deep rage towards their children in subtle ways. However, the rage really isn’t towards the children. The rage is towards the patriarchal society that requires women to sacrifice and utterly deplete themselves in order to mother a child.
And for a child who needs her mother, sacrificing herself in an effort to somehow ease her mother’s pain is often a subconscious decision made very early in life and not discovered as the cause of underlying issues until much later when she is an adult.
The mother wound exists because there is not a safe place for mothers to process their rage about the sacrifices that society has demanded of them. And because daughters still unconsciously fear rejection for choosing not to make those same sacrifices as previous generations.
In our society, there is no safe place for a mother to vent her rage. And so often it comes out unconsciously to one’s children. A daughter is a very potent target for a mother’s rage because the daughter has not yet had to give up her personhood for motherhood. The young daughter may remind the mother of her un-lived potential. And if the daughter feels worthy enough to reject some of the patriarchal mandates that the mother has had to swallow, then she can easily trigger that underground rage for the mother.
Of course, most mothers want what is best for their daughters. However, if a mother has not dealt with her own pain or come to terms with the sacrifices she has had to make, than her support for her daughter may be laced with traces of messages that subtly instill shame, guilt or obligation. They can seep out in the most benign situations, usually in some form of criticism or some form of bringing praise back to the mother. It’s not usually the content of the statement, but rather the energy with which it is conveyed that can carry hidden resentment.
The way for a mother to prevent directing her rage to her daughter and passing down the mother wound, is for the mother to fully grieve and mourn her own losses. And to make sure that she is not relying on her daughter as her main source of emotional support.
Mothers must mourn what they had to give up, what they wanted but will never have, what their children can never give them and the injustice of their situation. However, as unjust and unfair as it is, it is not the responsibility of the daughter to make amends for the mother’s losses or to feel obligated to sacrifice herself in the same ways. For mothers, It takes tremendous strength and integrity to do this. And mothers need support in this process.
Mothers liberate their daughters when they consciously process their own pain without making it their daughter’s problem. In this way, mothers free their daughters to pursue their dreams without guilt, shame or a sense of obligation.
When mothers unwittingly cause their daughters to feel responsible for their losses and to share in their pain, it creates a dysfunctional enmeshment, reinforcing the daughter’s view that she is not worthy of her dreams. And this supports a daughter’s view that her mother’s pain must somehow be her fault. This can cripple her in so many ways.
For daughters growing up in a patriarchal culture, there is a sense of having to choose between being empowered and being loved.
Most daughters choose to be loved instead of empowered because there is an ominous sense that being fully actualized and empowered may cause a grave loss of love from important people in their lives, specifically their mothers. So women stay small and un-fulfilled, unconsciously passing the mother wound to the next generation.
As a woman, there is a vague but powerful sense that your empowerment will injure your relationships. And women are taught to value relationships over everything else. We cling to the crumbs of our relationships, while our souls may be deeply longing for the fulfillment of our potential. But the truth is that our relationships alone can never adequately substitute for the hunger to live our lives fully.
The power dynamic at the center of the mother/daughter relationship is a taboo subject and the core issue at the center of the mother wound.
Much of this goes underground because of the many taboos and stereotypes about motherhood in this culture:
The truth is that mothers are human beings and all mothers having un-loving moments. And it’s true that there are mothers who are simply un-loving most of the time, whether because of addiction, mental illness or other struggles. Until we are willing to face these uncomfortable realities the mother wound will be in shadow and continue to be passed through the generations.
We all have patriarchy in us to some degree. We’ve had to ingest it to survive in this culture. When we’re ready to confront it fully in ourselves, we also confront it in others, including our mothers. This can be one of the most heart-wrenching of all situations we must face. But unless we are willing to go there, to address the mother wound, we are paying a very high price for the illusion of peace and empowerment.
What is the cost of not healing the mother wound?
The cost of not healing the mother wound is living your life indefinitely with:
There’s a lot of talk these days about ‘embodying the divine feminine’ and being an ‘awakened woman.’ But the reality is that we cannot be a strong container of the power of the divine feminine if we have not yet addressed the places within us where we have felt banished and in exile from the Feminine.
Let’s face it: Our first enounter with the Goddess was with our mothers. Until we have the courage to break the taboo and face the pain we have experienced in relation to our mothers, the divine feminine is another form of a fairy tale, a fantasy of rescue by a mother who is not coming. This keeps us in spiritual immaturity. We have to separate the human mother from the archetype in order to be true carriers of this energy. We have to de-construct the faulty structures within us before we can truly build new structures to hold it. Until we do this we remain stuck in a kind of limbo where our empowerment is short-lived and the only explanation for our predicament that seems to make sense is to blame ourselves.
If we avoid acknowledging the full impact of our mother’s pain on our lives, we still remain to some degree, children.
Coming into full empowerment requires looking at our relationship with our mothers and having the courage to separate out our own individual beliefs, values, thoughts from hers. It requires feeling the grief of having to witness the pain our mothers endured and processing our own legitimate pain that we endured as a result. This is so challenging but it is the beginning of real freedom.
Once we feel the pain it can be transformed and it will cease creating obstacles in our lives.
So what happens when women heal the mother wound?
As we heal the mother wound, the power dynamic is increasingly resolved because women are no longer asking one another to stay small to ease their own pain. The pain of living in patriarchy ceases to be taboo. We don’t have to pretend and hide behind false masks that hide our pain under a facade of effortlessly holding it together. The pain can then be seen as legitimate, embraced, processed and integrated and ultimately transformed into wisdom and power.
Once women increasingly process the pain of the mother wound, we can create safe places for women to express the truth of their pain and receive much needed support. Mothers and daughters can communicate with one another without fear that the truth of their feelings will break their relationship. The pain no longer needs to go underground and into shadow, where it manifests as manipulation, competition and self-hatred. Our pain can be grieved fully so that it can then turn into love, a love that manifests as fierce support of one another and deep self-acceptance, freeing us to be boldly authentic, creative and truly fulfilled.
When we heal the mother wound, we begin to grasp the stunning degree of impact a mother’s well-being has on the life of her child, especially in early childhood when the child and mother are still a single unit. Our mothers form the very basis of who we become: our beliefs start out as her beliefs, our habits start out as her habits. Some of this is so unconscious and fundamental, it is barely perceptible.
The mother wound is ultimately not about your mother. It’s about embracing yourself and your gifts without shame.
We address the mother wound because it is a critical part of self-actualization and saying YES to being the powerful and potent women that we are being called to become. Healing the mother wound is ultimately about acknowledging and honoring the foundation our mothers provided for our lives so that we can then fully focus on creating the unique lives that we authentically desire and know we are capable of creating.
Benefits of healing the mother wound:
We can confidently emerge into our own lives, with the energy and vitality to create what we desire without shame or guilt, but with passion, power, joy, confidence, and love.
For every human being, the very first wound of the heart was at the site of the mother, the feminine. And through the process of healing that wound, our hearts graduate from a compromised state of defensiveness and fear to a whole new level of love and power, which connects us to the divine heart of Life itself. We are from then on connected to the archetypal, collective heart that lives in all beings, and are carriers and transmitters of true compassion and love that the world needs right now. In this way, the mother wound is actually an opportunity and an initiation into the divine feminine. This is why it’s so crucial for women to heal the mother wound: Your personal healing and re-connection to the heart of life, by way of the feminine, affects the whole and supports our collective evolution.
© Bethany Webster 2013
View source here: http://womboflight.com/2014/01/18/why-its-crucial-for-women-to-heal-the-mother-wound/
As an intelligent, sensitive, empathic woman, I can greatly connect to these words. With further wisdom, I understand that I have introverted and extroverted aspects to my personality and that I can feel isolated all too often. This information below can be helpful for those of us who need to best understand these layers of a gifted women, either in our selves or in our mates.
~Amandha Dawn Vollmer
Kathleen Noble , interview by Douglas Eby
Read the entire interview here: http://talentdevelop.com/interviews/KNoble.html
The starting point, Dr. Noble declares, "is always self-awareness, which is not narcissism.And for gifted women, that absolutely includes the recognition of giftedness, because most women who are gifted, as you well know, think they're freaks, and feel horribly different -- isolated, alienated, ostracized, 'What's wrong with me?' [...]
"Change has to come in terms of both social evolution and individual. Most of the women I work with who are gifted deny that they are, or are totally embarrassed to admit it. It seems I am always teaching women about the characteristics of giftedness, and asking them to look at themselves: 'Even if you don't want to admit this out loud because you think it's immodest or because you're embarrassed, at least in your own heart of hearts admit what you're dealing with.' [...]
Isolation seems to be a common issue for gifted women, Dr. Noble feels. "And part of the isolation has to do with introversion. Not all, certainly, but I'd say the majority of gifted women are introverted. And introversion by itself leads one to isolate. When you're introverted in an introverted culture, there's more acceptance; but America is a very extroverted culture. To be introverted in an extroverted culture is to sort of give you a double whammy.
"So along with understanding what giftedness is all about, it's important to understand what introversion is all about, and that it's a normal temperament, and they really get their energy from solitude. So they need that solitude. That's healthy. In fact, to not make space for solitude really puts gifted women at grave risk for developing everything from depression to eating disorders, as a way of trying to create enough personal space, maybe totally unconsciously.
"Another thing is that part of giftedness involves an affective awareness. Not a hundred percent of the time, but a lot of gifted women have intense radar; they're very psychic, and that can intensify introversion, if you withdraw from crowds because you always feel raw, or pick up too much energy. So if you do have that kind of sensitivity, you really have to honor it, and
respect it, and learn how to choose those energies that nourish you and avoid those that drain you. That's hard. We're learning all the time.
"In terms of finding peers, you have to realize it is hard, and you have to work at it. [...]
The internet is providing the means to find and explore relationships. "That's particularly important for rural women," notes Dr. Noble. "It's a little bit easier to find kindred spirits if you're in a city, or if you're connected with a university or some kind of idea factory. It's much harder if you're in the corporate world or the retail world, or at home with small children." [...]
There are a number of qualities that gifted women possess that can easily get mislabeled and misdiagnosed. For instance, those gifted women who are very verbal are often told they talk too much. Now, it is true that many gifted women talk a lot.
"Some of them do in fact talk too much, and don't know how to listen well. But I have seen, particularly in adolescents, that gifted girls who are very high energy and high verbal are often punished by teachers for those qualities, and the qualities are then negatively represented, rather than positively acknowledged. [...]
Gifted women tend to combine qualities that we tend to ascribe to both genders. So for instance, you get women who are highly sensitive and highly empathic and compassionate (which are all components of psychic ability), combined with high energy and high drive, high independence and autonomy, which are qualities that the culture rewards in men but not in women.
"So in some ways, the pathologizing comes from the fact that gifted women, by their very nature, don't fit the narrowly prescribed gender roles. And not just in a developed country like America, or Canada, but also in developing countries, where roles are generally even more traditional.
"Societal attitudes create what we consider normalcy to be. So when you talk about pathology, you are talking about deviation from what is presumed to be in the norm, and anything that is outlying statistically, or different from what we consider the norm, gets labeled pathology or 'bad.' [...]
"Giftedness, per se, has often been described as pathology. I've had a lot of clients who come to me who have been told they are 'too sensitive', 'too empathic', 'too smart', 'too verbal.' I can't think of one person I've seen who hasn't been pathologized, for being 'too' -- and I put that in quotes -- all those things: 'too high energy', 'too quirky', 'too introspective', 'too intuitive' -- blah, blah, blah. (> too Intense!! )
"It just depends on the setting. One of my clients is a physician who's extremely intuitive: when she was in medical school, she could make diagnoses that she hadn't the knowledge yet to be able to make, but she could read the body. And of course, what did her professors tell her? 'You're so weird.'
"That's why I think if a person, a gifted woman, is going to seek help from a therapist, the first she has to do is educate herself about giftedness. That is critical. And then she has to educate her therapist about giftedness, because very, very few mental health practitioners know the first thing about it."
By: Case Adams
Research from France’s University of Angers has determined that certain essential oils are effective in killing the bacteria known to cause tonsillitis.
The researchers utilized 18 different essential oils provided by a French manufacturer of essential oils. The researchers tested essential oils of Cinnamon (Cinnamomum verum), Lemongrass (Cymbopogon citratus), Oregano (Origanum compactum), Thyme (Thymus vulgaris – two species), Winter Savory (Satureja montana), Clove (Eugenia caryophyllus), Palmarosa lemongrass (Cymbopogon martinii), Camphor (Cinnamomum camphora – two species), Peppermint (Mentha piperita), Marjoram (Origanum marjorana), Lavender (Lavandula stoechas), Cajeput (Melaleuca cajuputi), Tea tree (Melaleuca alternifolia), Basil (Ocimum basilicum), Naiouli Tea tree (Melaleuca quinquenervia), and Rosemary (Rosmarinus officinalis).
The researchers extracted the bacteria Streptococcus pyogenes from the throat (pharynx) of a child who had tonsillitis. They incubated the bacteria and then tested each of the essential oils against it.
The researchers found 14 of the 18 essential oils had antibacterial activity against the Streptococcus pyogenes bacterial. Of these the Cinnamon oil, the Thyme oil, the Lemongrass oil, the Marjoram oil, and the Winter Savory oil had the greatest antibiotic activity against the tonsillitis bacteria S. pyogenes.
The zone of inhibition for these five oils with the most antibiotic potential ranged from 48 to 35 millimeters. (Note that the greater the zone of inhibition, the stronger the antibiotic potency.)
Two other oils – Clove oil and Palmarosa lemongrass oil – came in at 18 and 15 mm respectively. The remaining seven oils with antibiotic activity against the S. pyogenes ranged from 13 to 9 mm zone of inhibition. They were Camphor oil (CT linalool), Peppermint oil, Thyme oil (CT thujanol), Marjoram oil, Lavender oil, Cajeput oil, and Tea tree oil.
The obvious question is how this antibacterial activity, measured by inhibition zone, measures up against those of the most successful antibiotics. Well, a 2009 study published in the Journal of Bacteriology measured precisely that: The inhibition zones of the most popular antibiotics against Streptococcus pyogenes.
Zones of inhibition against S. pyogenes of Amoxicillin was 22.3 mm, Ampicillin 34.5 mm, Ampiciox 18.7 mm, Chloramphenicol 22.0 mm, Ciprofolxacin 30 mm, Erythromycin 14.5 mm, Fulcin 6.0 mm, Gentamicin 2.0 mm, Penicillin 39.0 mm, Rifampicin 27.0 mm, Septrin 19.0 mm, Tetracycline 10.5 mm, and Vancomycin 14.5 mm. The average Zone of inhibition for the entire range of 13 antibiotics against S. pyogenes was 20.1, and as mentioned, the greatest was Penicillin at 39.
This compares to zones of inhibition between 48 mm and 35 mm for the Cinnamon oil, the Thyme oil, the Lemongrass oil, the Marjoram oil, and the Winter Savory oil.
And we must add to this that the 2009 study tested antibiotics that many species of bacteria – including some S. pyogenes – have since become more resistant to. During these past four years, many of these pharmaceutical antibiotics have lost some of their antibiotic potency against S. pyogenes and other bacteria.
The researchers noted that the essential oils’ antibiotic mechanisms varied, and ranged from their monoterpene content, aldehydes such as cinnamaldehyde (Cinnamon), phenols such as thymol, carvacrol, eugenol and others, and many other compounds.
Other studies have also indicated some essential oils are significantly antibiotic. Thyme and Lavender oils in particular have been found to have significant activity against some bacteria. In 2011, Moroccan researchers also found that two species of Thyme essential oil were synergistic with antibiotic therapy.
Read the Full Article here.
Why Essential Oils Heal and Drugs Don’t
Sfeir J, Lefrançois C, Baudoux D, Derbré S, Licznar P. In Vitro Antibacterial Activity of Essential Oils against Streptococcus pyogenes. Evid Based Complement Alternat Med. 2013;2013:269161.
Fadli M, Saad A, Sayadi S, Chevalier J, Mezrioui NE, Pagès JM, Hassani L. Antibacterial activity of Thymus maroccanus and Thymus broussonetii essential oils against nosocomial infection – bacteria and their synergistic potential with antibiotics. Phytomedicine. 2012 Mar 15;19(5):464-71.
Nkang AO, Okonko IO, Fowotade A, Udeze AO, Ogunnusi TA, Fajobi EA, Adewale OG, Mejeha OK. Antibiotics susceptibility profiles of bacteria from clinical samples in Calabar, Nigeria. Jnl Bacter. 2009 Nov 1(8):089-096.
Well, it happened today. My 2 year old decided to touch the very, very hot rocket stove barrel with her little left hand. She climbed up on the bench to be with me, I saw her think it over for a second before she consciously decided to test if it was true what mommy said, that it would burn. It burned.
The very first thing I applied was her pink piggie ice pack while I ran to get the lavender essential oil, known to halt burns and soothe skin, as well as having antiseptic properties.
While she was icing I looked up a few homeopathic remedies from this list I found:
Homeopathic Remedies for Minor Burns/Scalds
Arnica: This is the most reknown first aid remedy in the alternative health world. Arnica is useful after any injury, but is especially noted for head injury such as a fall. In terms of burns, it reduces pain and swelling andit does well for preventing shock from the injury. A “burn remedy” can be applied after arnica if needed.
Cantharis: This is the number one burn remedy in homeopathy. Cantharis is well indicated for more serious (second and third degree) burns but can help with any burn situation. The injured person may be intense, restless and in a lot of pain. The burns will feel better with cold applications. It helps prevent and treat blistering brought on by burns, as well as relieves the smarting pain.
Causticum: This remedy helps most when the pain of the burn is very severe, and there are blisters forming. Unlike cantharis, the injured person will present as sad instead of restless. Pains are raw and sore. Causticum is also useful for older burns in which pain is still present, or for burns which have not properly healed.
Hepar sulphuris calcareum: This remedy is helpful for treating very sensitive and painful burns in people who are prone to infection. The person may feel extremely vulnerable and irritable, and may have chills or be very sensitive to cold.
Hypericum: This remedy is generally known for being useful for pain in the nerves. For burns, this is especially helpful if the pain is severe and the nerves are feeling sensitive. Along with the usual discomfort of burns, a shooting, stabbing pain may be felt in the injured area.
Phosphorus: This remedy is best indicated in cases of pain from electrical burn. Electrical burns always require medical attention, as the area may appear small on the surface but be quite large internally.
Urtica Urens: This remedy is useful for burns which continue to sting and smart after an extended period of time. It is often very useful for sunburn.
I chose Cantharis 6CH since she said it still hurt and the ice was helping the pain. I gave her 2 doses a few minutes apart. I could see the redness and swelling retreating.
It can be an alarming thing when your first aid skills are tested and I am glad my training and the internet came to the rescue. Homeopathic remedies can be powerful tools to have on hand. I recommend a healthy amount of them in your first aid kit.
A more detailed homeopathic list for first aid can be found here:
Lots of love and natural healing,
Yummy Mummy Emporium sells wonderful supplements, including homeopathic remedies, to help you and your family be healthy, well and happy.
Here is a beautiful mantra for you today. May your pure self ever expand in love....
Bliss to you, Yummy Mummy
By Dr. Stephen Cowan
July 11, 2013 1:00 PM EDT
After 25 years practicing pediatrics, and caring for thousands of children, I've noticed some patterns that offer me a deeper vision of health. Here are some of those invaluable lessons:
1. Growth and development are not a race.
These days we’re in such a rush to grow up. In our mechanized, post-industrialized world of speed and efficiency, we've forgotten that life is a process of ripening. To get good fruit, you need to nourish strong roots. Pay attention to the ground that supports your child’s life: Go for a walk with your child, eat with your child, play together, tell him a story about your experience as a child.
2. Creating family traditions encourages strong roots and a healthy life.
This takes time and practice. Personal traditions are sacred because they promote exchanges that strengthen bonds of love and intimacy and build the kind of confidence that will carry your child through this world.
3. We grow in cycles.
There is a rhythm and pulse to each child’s life – sometimes fast and intense, sometimes slow and quiet. Just as each spring brings a renewed sense of appreciation for life, each stage of a child’s life is a time of new discovery and wonder. After all, learning is not just a process of accruing information. It's the process of transforming our ideas, and sometimes this requires forgetting in order to see with fresh eyes. Some children will take a step backward before making a giant leap forward.
Growing in cycles means that we don’t get just one chance to learn something. The same lesson will offer itself up to us again and again as we pass through the seasons of our life. There is deep forgiveness in this way of understanding childhood, which I find takes the pressure off parents to “get it right” the first time.
4. Encouragement is not the same as indulgence.
We are not in the business of raising little kings and queens. Kings don’t do well in our society. Recent studies have shown that indulgence actually weakens your child’s powers to survive, deflating motivation and diminishing feelings of success.
Encouragement means putting courage in your child, not doing things for him. Create a supportive context that will open up a path without pushing your child down it. Unconditional love is the scaffolding that encourages your child to take chances, to experiment, and to fail without judgment. Sometimes being an encouraging presence in your child’s life means standing a little off in the background, there to offer a compassionate hand when circumstances call for it, but trusting in his innate ingenuity.
There is spaciousness in encouragement. Indulgence, on the other hand, limits freedom by inflating a child’s sense of entitlement and reducing the patience needed to work through obstacles when he doesn't instantly get his way. Indulgence leads to small-minded thinking.
5. Pushing your buttons is a spiritual practice, and children are our spiritual teachers.
You don’t need an expensive spiritual retreat to become enlightened. Your little sage-teacher is right in front of you, offering you true wisdom free of charge!
Children watch our every move when they're little, studying our inconsistencies as they try to figure out this crazy world. And they will call you on it. When a child pushes your buttons, remember: they are your buttons, not hers. Take the time to listen to what your child is trying to teach you. One of the secrets of parenthood is our willingness to transform ourselves out of love for our child. When you're willing to look at your buttons, you open up a deeper self-awareness that is transformative for both you and your child.
6. A symptom is the body’s way of letting us know something has to change.
Good medicine asks what is the symptom trying to accomplish? rather than simply suppressing it. Our body has its own intelligence and yet so much of pharmaceutical advertising tries to convince us that there is something wrong with feeling symptoms. Much of my medical training was focused on stopping symptoms as if they were the problem. (This is like telling the body to shut up. It’s rude!) We don't trust the body’s intelligence. We think too much and tend to be afraid of feelings in our body.
But children have taught me that a symptom like fever is actually not the problem. Whatever is causing the fever may be a problem, but the temperature is simply the body’s way of trying to deal with what’s happening.
Take, for example, the child with a fever. What other symptoms does the child have? If he is playful, you may not need to suppress the fever. It means the body is trying to make metabolic heat to mobilize the immune system. To help it do this, you can give warm (not cold) fluids so it doesn’t dry out and nourishing foods like soups to fuel the fire.
7. Be prepared.
The one phrase from the Eagle Scout motto that stuck with me since I was a boy was Be prepared. This is a state of readiness that can be fueled by confidence or fear.
These days I practice what I call “preparatory medicine” rather than preventive medicine, so that getting sick is not seen as a failure. Being healthy does not mean never getting sick. Life is a journey of ups and downs and the growing child lives in a constant state of flux. A resilient immune system is one that learns how to get sick and get better. Living too clean a life robs us of the information necessary to be fully prepared to recover.
Rather than living in fear of illness, there are natural ways we can support our children to recovery from illness quickly and efficiently: good nutrition, hydration, probiotics, rest and exercise. But the most important? Rather than focusing on how often your child gets sick, celebrate how often she gets better.
8. Healing takes time.
The most alternative medicine I practice these days is taking time. As a society, we're addicted to quick fixes because we have no time to be sick anymore. As a doctor, I was trained as a kind of glorified fireman, looking to put out emergencies quickly and efficiently.
In emergencies, strong medicine is often necessary to save lives but most health problems in childhood are not emergencies. In those instances it takes more than strong medicine to get better; it takes time. I realize that taking another day off from work because a child has been sent home from school with a runny nose can add real stress to our already stressful lives. But children have taught me that healing is a kind of developmental process that has its own stages too.
When we don’t take time to recover, we rob our children of the necessary stages they need to learn from if they are to develop long-lasting health. When we take time to recover, illness becomes a journey of discovery, not just a destination; we begin to see our health and illness as two sides of the same coin.
9. The secret of life is letting go.
Life is a process of constantly giving way. Things pushed past their prime transform into something else. Just as spring gives way to summer, so is each stage of development a process of letting go. Crawling gives way to walking. Babbling gives way to speaking. Childhood gives way to adolescence. By breathing in, you breathe out. By eating, you poop.
Each season, each stage, each little rhythm of our life is a matter of letting go. This allows us to get rid of what we don't need to make room in our lives for new information. Learning to let go is not always easy and each child has his own adaptive style and timing. Nature favors diversity. Remember to honor your child’s unique nature. This is what my book Fire Child Water Child is all about.
Perhaps the most important way children teach me how to let go is in the way they play. Playing means letting go of our inhibitions; it frees us up and allows us not to take ourselves too seriously.
10. Trust yourself: You're the expert on your child.
One of the most important things I teach new parents is how to trust themselves. Nowhere is this more daunting than when a new baby comes into our life. We’re expected to know everything and yet we feel like we know nothing. But children have taught me that this knowing-nothing can be a real opportunity to open our powers of intuition.
Mindful parenting begins by listening with an open heart to your child’s life without fear or panic. Studies have shown that a mother’s intuition is more powerful than any lab test in picking up problems. Unfortunately today we are flooded with so much scary information that it interferes with our ability to listen to our own intuition. (Just think of the arrogance of a doctor who acts like he knows your child better than you do!)
Take a tip from your baby. Look into your baby’s eyes. Imagine what it feels like to be conscious of the world before you have language, before all those labels that scare us and divide things into good and bad, right and wrong. Babies have no enemies. This is seeing from the source. It is what Zen Buddhists call “beginner’s mind.” Watch closely how your baby breathes with his belly. This is Qigong breathing. Stop thinking for a moment and try breathing this way. You may just find the answers you need waiting for you there.
11. Take the long view. (Because it’s easy to get caught in the immediacy of a problem, especially at 2am.)
Having watched thousands of children grow into adulthood, what sometimes seems like a big deal at four-months old or 14-years old may be no more than a small bump in the road. Children have taught me how to take the long view of life. When we step back and see the big picture of our lives, we discover wisdom and compassion.
Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com
View the original post here: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-10250/11-things-i-wish-every-parent-knew.html
Amandha D. Vollmer
This creative mompreneur herbalist