As parents, it can be way too easy to slip into a pattern of yelling way more than we like.
Not only does this create a scary, toxic environment for everybody, but it's not even effective.
Here's 10 things to try instead. They might not always work, but neither does yelling, and you just might find that you need to use them less after a while.
Remember the old adage: The days are long but the years are short. Parenting is hard, but so is being a child. Try responding in some new ways and see if the days get a little easier for everybody.
Be sure to be gentle and loving to yourself too!
1. Play (and work) with them often.
This is the best way to teach children cooperation and self-restraint. The best way to help children learn to cooperate, when there is work that needs to be done, is to work with them.
Every moment of interactive play with an admired adult offers an opportunity for children to learn rules and limits. In the course of this play (and work), children come to understand that rules are necessary -- for safety and for living with others. To the dismay of many well-intentioned parents, most children do not learn good behavior from repeated talks or lectures.
A generation ago, developmental psychologists Eleanor Maccoby and Mary Parpal instructed parents to play each night with their children in whatever way their child wanted to play. Just two weeks later, these children more readily cooperated when asked to clean up their toys.
Since then, the importance of interactive play has been repeatedly demonstrated -- in clinical interventions for oppositional and defiant children, in preschool and kindergarten educational programs and in neuroscience research. I will discuss this research in more detail in future posts.
2. Express enthusiastic interest in your child's interests, even if these are not the interests you would choose.
Enthusiastic interest in our children's interests is a first principle of strengthening parent-child relationships -- and of fostering cooperative behavior. At the risk of being somewhat crass, we can think of enthusiastic interest as the deposit that we draw on when it is time to set limits. (Or, as the behavioral psychologist Alan Kazdin points out, the effectiveness of our time-outs depends largely on the quality of our time-ins.)
3. Repair moments of anger and misunderstanding.
When feelings of anger and unfairness linger, children are far more likely to become irritable, uncooperative and disrespectful. We should therefore set aside some time, every day, to repair angry interactions.
4. Engage them in problem solving.
Most common behavior problems are best solved proactively. Place the problem before your child and ask for her ideas. (For example, "We seem to have a problem every morning, when it's time to get ready for school. What do you think we can do about this?") Then, together, develop a plan. When we enlist children in solving problems, we have changed the channel. Instead of thinking about how they can get what they want, they begin to think, even if just for that moment, about how to solve a problem.
5. Teach them a language of emotion regulation and emotional intelligence.
Children behave well when they have learned to handle (or, as we now say, "regulate") the anxieties, frustrations and disappointments of everyday life -- when they come to learn that disappointments are disappointments, not catastrophes. They develop this ability through emotional dialogue.
Acknowledge their disappointments and frustrations. Talk with them about your own frustrations and disappointments -- and how you coped with them.
6. Teach them to wait.
Pamela Druckerman, in her entertaining account of parenting in contemporary Paris, observed that French parents, from a very early age, do not immediately meet a child's demands. Instead, they stress the importance of teaching children to wait. And, unlike American children, French kids don't throw food.
7. Offer encouragement, not criticism.
When you need to criticize, criticize thoughtfully and gently. Persistent criticism breeds resentment and defiance, which then undermine a child's initiative and sense of responsibility.
If we are frequently angry and critical, our children will not be well behaved, no matter how much discipline we provide.
8. When you have to say "No," say "No" calmly. Then, insist that they speak to you calmly.
Our mantra should be, "Johnny, when you're calm, we can talk about this."
9. Begin your sentences with "When..." or "As soon as...."
Too often, we begin our sentences, "If you don't...." This simple change of tone and grammar often makes a dramatic difference in the cooperativeness of young children.
Compromise is not giving in. When we compromise with children, we teach them to compromise -- to think about how their needs and the needs of others can be reconciled. Is there a more important lesson for children to learn, for all their future relationships?
11. Give them responsibilities.
Across cultures, children who are given responsibilities (for example, when they have chores or teach younger children) show more helpfulness and caring behavior toward others.
As a side benefit, they also begin to experience our point of view. They learn, firsthand, how annoying it is when you are trying to get things done and someone doesn't listen.
12. Teach them the importance of other people's feelings.
Respect for the needs and feelings of others is the foundation of moral behavior.
In a series of important studies, psychologist Ross Thompson and his colleagues found that the mothers of children with strong moral development spoke to their children in an emotion-rich language and made frequent references, not to rules and consequences, but to other people's feelings.
13. Let them know when their behavior is over the line.
Then, take a brief time-out. But it is really a time-out, with an opportunity to start over, to try again, to do better the next time.
14. Let them know that you are proud of them.
Especially for the good things they do for others.
15. Take time to listen.
Hear their side of the story. Tell them what is right about what they are saying or doing before you tell them what they are doing wrong.
When children feel that their concerns and grievances have been listened to and understood, they will make fewer, not more, demands. And we will have an easier time when it is time to say no.
See original post here
What many people do not realize is that the core issue at the center of women’s empowerment is the mother wound.
Difficulty and challenges between mothers and daughters are rampant and widespread but not openly spoken about. The taboo about speaking about the pain of the mother wound is what keeps it in place and keeps it hidden in shadow, festering and out of view.
What exactly is the mother wound?
The mother wound is the pain of being a woman passed down through generations of women in patriarchal cultures. And it includes the dysfunctional coping mechanisms that are used to process that pain.
The mother wound includes the pain of:
In our patriarchal, male-dominated culture women are conditioned to think of themselves as “less-than” and not deserving or worthy. This feeling of “less-than” has been internalized and passed down through countless generations of women.
The cultural atmosphere of female oppression puts daughters in a “double bind.”
Simply put, if a daughter internalizes her mother’s unconscious beliefs (which is some subtle form of “I’m not good enough”) then she has her mother’s approval but has in some way betrayed herself and her potential.
However, if she doesn’t internalize her mother’s unconscious beliefs in her own limitations but rather affirms her own power and potential, she is aware that her mother may unconsciously see this as a personal rejection.
The daughter doesn’t want to risk losing her mother’s love and approval, so internalizing these limiting, unconscious beliefs is a form of loyalty and emotional survival for the daughter.
It may feel dangerous for a woman to actualize her full potential because it may mean risking some form of rejection by her mother.
This is because the daughter may unconsciously sense that her full empowerment may trigger the mother’s sadness or rage at having had to give up parts of herself in her own life. Her compassion for her mother, a desire to please her, and a fear of conflict may cause her to convince herself that it’s safer to shrink and remain small.
A common objection to facing the mother wound is to “Let the past be in the past.” However, we never truly “escape” or bury the past. It lives in the present as the obstacles and challenges that we face every day. If we avoid dealing with the pain associated with one of THE most primary and foundational relationships in our lives, we are missing a pivotal opportunity to discover the truth of who we are and to authentically and joyfully live that truth.
Stereotypes that perpetuate the mother wound:
We all have sensed the pain that our mothers carry. And all of us are suspicious to some degree that we are partly to blame for her pain. Therein lies the guilt. This makes sense when considering the limited cognitive development of a child, which sees itself as the cause of all things. If we don’t address this unconscious belief as an adult, we may still be walking around with it and greatly limiting ourselves as a result.
The truth is that no child can save her mother.
No sacrifice a daughter makes will ever be enough to compensate for the high price her mother may have had to pay or for the losses she has accrued over the years, simply by being a woman and mother in this culture. And yet, this is what many women do for their mothers very early on in childhood: they unconsciously make a decision to not abandon or betray their mothers by becoming “too successful,” “too smart” or “too adventurous.” This decision is made out of love, loyalty and a true need for approval and emotional support from the mother.
Many of us confuse being loyal to our mothers with being loyal to their wounds, and thus, complicit in our own oppression.
These dynamics are very unconscious and they operate on a continuum. Even the most healthy, supportive mother/daughter relationships may have this dynamic to some degree by virtue of simply being women in this society. And for daughters who have mothers with serious issues (addictions, mental illness, etc.) the impact is can be very damaging and insidious.
Mothers must take responsibility and grieve their losses.
Being a mother in our society is unspeakably difficult. I’ve heard many women say “No one ever tells you how hard it is” and “Nothing prepares you for when you get home with the baby and realize what is being asked of you.” Our culture, especially the U.S., is very hard on mothers, offering little support and many are raising children alone.
Our society’s unspoken messages to mothers:
Mothers may unconsciously project deep rage towards their children in subtle ways. However, the rage really isn’t towards the children. The rage is towards the patriarchal society that requires women to sacrifice and utterly deplete themselves in order to mother a child.
And for a child who needs her mother, sacrificing herself in an effort to somehow ease her mother’s pain is often a subconscious decision made very early in life and not discovered as the cause of underlying issues until much later when she is an adult.
The mother wound exists because there is not a safe place for mothers to process their rage about the sacrifices that society has demanded of them. And because daughters still unconsciously fear rejection for choosing not to make those same sacrifices as previous generations.
In our society, there is no safe place for a mother to vent her rage. And so often it comes out unconsciously to one’s children. A daughter is a very potent target for a mother’s rage because the daughter has not yet had to give up her personhood for motherhood. The young daughter may remind the mother of her un-lived potential. And if the daughter feels worthy enough to reject some of the patriarchal mandates that the mother has had to swallow, then she can easily trigger that underground rage for the mother.
Of course, most mothers want what is best for their daughters. However, if a mother has not dealt with her own pain or come to terms with the sacrifices she has had to make, than her support for her daughter may be laced with traces of messages that subtly instill shame, guilt or obligation. They can seep out in the most benign situations, usually in some form of criticism or some form of bringing praise back to the mother. It’s not usually the content of the statement, but rather the energy with which it is conveyed that can carry hidden resentment.
The way for a mother to prevent directing her rage to her daughter and passing down the mother wound, is for the mother to fully grieve and mourn her own losses. And to make sure that she is not relying on her daughter as her main source of emotional support.
Mothers must mourn what they had to give up, what they wanted but will never have, what their children can never give them and the injustice of their situation. However, as unjust and unfair as it is, it is not the responsibility of the daughter to make amends for the mother’s losses or to feel obligated to sacrifice herself in the same ways. For mothers, It takes tremendous strength and integrity to do this. And mothers need support in this process.
Mothers liberate their daughters when they consciously process their own pain without making it their daughter’s problem. In this way, mothers free their daughters to pursue their dreams without guilt, shame or a sense of obligation.
When mothers unwittingly cause their daughters to feel responsible for their losses and to share in their pain, it creates a dysfunctional enmeshment, reinforcing the daughter’s view that she is not worthy of her dreams. And this supports a daughter’s view that her mother’s pain must somehow be her fault. This can cripple her in so many ways.
For daughters growing up in a patriarchal culture, there is a sense of having to choose between being empowered and being loved.
Most daughters choose to be loved instead of empowered because there is an ominous sense that being fully actualized and empowered may cause a grave loss of love from important people in their lives, specifically their mothers. So women stay small and un-fulfilled, unconsciously passing the mother wound to the next generation.
As a woman, there is a vague but powerful sense that your empowerment will injure your relationships. And women are taught to value relationships over everything else. We cling to the crumbs of our relationships, while our souls may be deeply longing for the fulfillment of our potential. But the truth is that our relationships alone can never adequately substitute for the hunger to live our lives fully.
The power dynamic at the center of the mother/daughter relationship is a taboo subject and the core issue at the center of the mother wound.
Much of this goes underground because of the many taboos and stereotypes about motherhood in this culture:
The truth is that mothers are human beings and all mothers having un-loving moments. And it’s true that there are mothers who are simply un-loving most of the time, whether because of addiction, mental illness or other struggles. Until we are willing to face these uncomfortable realities the mother wound will be in shadow and continue to be passed through the generations.
We all have patriarchy in us to some degree. We’ve had to ingest it to survive in this culture. When we’re ready to confront it fully in ourselves, we also confront it in others, including our mothers. This can be one of the most heart-wrenching of all situations we must face. But unless we are willing to go there, to address the mother wound, we are paying a very high price for the illusion of peace and empowerment.
What is the cost of not healing the mother wound?
The cost of not healing the mother wound is living your life indefinitely with:
There’s a lot of talk these days about ‘embodying the divine feminine’ and being an ‘awakened woman.’ But the reality is that we cannot be a strong container of the power of the divine feminine if we have not yet addressed the places within us where we have felt banished and in exile from the Feminine.
Let’s face it: Our first enounter with the Goddess was with our mothers. Until we have the courage to break the taboo and face the pain we have experienced in relation to our mothers, the divine feminine is another form of a fairy tale, a fantasy of rescue by a mother who is not coming. This keeps us in spiritual immaturity. We have to separate the human mother from the archetype in order to be true carriers of this energy. We have to de-construct the faulty structures within us before we can truly build new structures to hold it. Until we do this we remain stuck in a kind of limbo where our empowerment is short-lived and the only explanation for our predicament that seems to make sense is to blame ourselves.
If we avoid acknowledging the full impact of our mother’s pain on our lives, we still remain to some degree, children.
Coming into full empowerment requires looking at our relationship with our mothers and having the courage to separate out our own individual beliefs, values, thoughts from hers. It requires feeling the grief of having to witness the pain our mothers endured and processing our own legitimate pain that we endured as a result. This is so challenging but it is the beginning of real freedom.
Once we feel the pain it can be transformed and it will cease creating obstacles in our lives.
So what happens when women heal the mother wound?
As we heal the mother wound, the power dynamic is increasingly resolved because women are no longer asking one another to stay small to ease their own pain. The pain of living in patriarchy ceases to be taboo. We don’t have to pretend and hide behind false masks that hide our pain under a facade of effortlessly holding it together. The pain can then be seen as legitimate, embraced, processed and integrated and ultimately transformed into wisdom and power.
Once women increasingly process the pain of the mother wound, we can create safe places for women to express the truth of their pain and receive much needed support. Mothers and daughters can communicate with one another without fear that the truth of their feelings will break their relationship. The pain no longer needs to go underground and into shadow, where it manifests as manipulation, competition and self-hatred. Our pain can be grieved fully so that it can then turn into love, a love that manifests as fierce support of one another and deep self-acceptance, freeing us to be boldly authentic, creative and truly fulfilled.
When we heal the mother wound, we begin to grasp the stunning degree of impact a mother’s well-being has on the life of her child, especially in early childhood when the child and mother are still a single unit. Our mothers form the very basis of who we become: our beliefs start out as her beliefs, our habits start out as her habits. Some of this is so unconscious and fundamental, it is barely perceptible.
The mother wound is ultimately not about your mother. It’s about embracing yourself and your gifts without shame.
We address the mother wound because it is a critical part of self-actualization and saying YES to being the powerful and potent women that we are being called to become. Healing the mother wound is ultimately about acknowledging and honoring the foundation our mothers provided for our lives so that we can then fully focus on creating the unique lives that we authentically desire and know we are capable of creating.
Benefits of healing the mother wound:
We can confidently emerge into our own lives, with the energy and vitality to create what we desire without shame or guilt, but with passion, power, joy, confidence, and love.
For every human being, the very first wound of the heart was at the site of the mother, the feminine. And through the process of healing that wound, our hearts graduate from a compromised state of defensiveness and fear to a whole new level of love and power, which connects us to the divine heart of Life itself. We are from then on connected to the archetypal, collective heart that lives in all beings, and are carriers and transmitters of true compassion and love that the world needs right now. In this way, the mother wound is actually an opportunity and an initiation into the divine feminine. This is why it’s so crucial for women to heal the mother wound: Your personal healing and re-connection to the heart of life, by way of the feminine, affects the whole and supports our collective evolution.
© Bethany Webster 2013
View source here: http://womboflight.com/2014/01/18/why-its-crucial-for-women-to-heal-the-mother-wound/
As an intelligent, sensitive, empathic woman, I can greatly connect to these words. With further wisdom, I understand that I have introverted and extroverted aspects to my personality and that I can feel isolated all too often. This information below can be helpful for those of us who need to best understand these layers of a gifted women, either in our selves or in our mates.
~Amandha Dawn Vollmer
Kathleen Noble , interview by Douglas Eby
Read the entire interview here: http://talentdevelop.com/interviews/KNoble.html
The starting point, Dr. Noble declares, "is always self-awareness, which is not narcissism.And for gifted women, that absolutely includes the recognition of giftedness, because most women who are gifted, as you well know, think they're freaks, and feel horribly different -- isolated, alienated, ostracized, 'What's wrong with me?' [...]
"Change has to come in terms of both social evolution and individual. Most of the women I work with who are gifted deny that they are, or are totally embarrassed to admit it. It seems I am always teaching women about the characteristics of giftedness, and asking them to look at themselves: 'Even if you don't want to admit this out loud because you think it's immodest or because you're embarrassed, at least in your own heart of hearts admit what you're dealing with.' [...]
Isolation seems to be a common issue for gifted women, Dr. Noble feels. "And part of the isolation has to do with introversion. Not all, certainly, but I'd say the majority of gifted women are introverted. And introversion by itself leads one to isolate. When you're introverted in an introverted culture, there's more acceptance; but America is a very extroverted culture. To be introverted in an extroverted culture is to sort of give you a double whammy.
"So along with understanding what giftedness is all about, it's important to understand what introversion is all about, and that it's a normal temperament, and they really get their energy from solitude. So they need that solitude. That's healthy. In fact, to not make space for solitude really puts gifted women at grave risk for developing everything from depression to eating disorders, as a way of trying to create enough personal space, maybe totally unconsciously.
"Another thing is that part of giftedness involves an affective awareness. Not a hundred percent of the time, but a lot of gifted women have intense radar; they're very psychic, and that can intensify introversion, if you withdraw from crowds because you always feel raw, or pick up too much energy. So if you do have that kind of sensitivity, you really have to honor it, and
respect it, and learn how to choose those energies that nourish you and avoid those that drain you. That's hard. We're learning all the time.
"In terms of finding peers, you have to realize it is hard, and you have to work at it. [...]
The internet is providing the means to find and explore relationships. "That's particularly important for rural women," notes Dr. Noble. "It's a little bit easier to find kindred spirits if you're in a city, or if you're connected with a university or some kind of idea factory. It's much harder if you're in the corporate world or the retail world, or at home with small children." [...]
There are a number of qualities that gifted women possess that can easily get mislabeled and misdiagnosed. For instance, those gifted women who are very verbal are often told they talk too much. Now, it is true that many gifted women talk a lot.
"Some of them do in fact talk too much, and don't know how to listen well. But I have seen, particularly in adolescents, that gifted girls who are very high energy and high verbal are often punished by teachers for those qualities, and the qualities are then negatively represented, rather than positively acknowledged. [...]
Gifted women tend to combine qualities that we tend to ascribe to both genders. So for instance, you get women who are highly sensitive and highly empathic and compassionate (which are all components of psychic ability), combined with high energy and high drive, high independence and autonomy, which are qualities that the culture rewards in men but not in women.
"So in some ways, the pathologizing comes from the fact that gifted women, by their very nature, don't fit the narrowly prescribed gender roles. And not just in a developed country like America, or Canada, but also in developing countries, where roles are generally even more traditional.
"Societal attitudes create what we consider normalcy to be. So when you talk about pathology, you are talking about deviation from what is presumed to be in the norm, and anything that is outlying statistically, or different from what we consider the norm, gets labeled pathology or 'bad.' [...]
"Giftedness, per se, has often been described as pathology. I've had a lot of clients who come to me who have been told they are 'too sensitive', 'too empathic', 'too smart', 'too verbal.' I can't think of one person I've seen who hasn't been pathologized, for being 'too' -- and I put that in quotes -- all those things: 'too high energy', 'too quirky', 'too introspective', 'too intuitive' -- blah, blah, blah. (> too Intense!! )
"It just depends on the setting. One of my clients is a physician who's extremely intuitive: when she was in medical school, she could make diagnoses that she hadn't the knowledge yet to be able to make, but she could read the body. And of course, what did her professors tell her? 'You're so weird.'
"That's why I think if a person, a gifted woman, is going to seek help from a therapist, the first she has to do is educate herself about giftedness. That is critical. And then she has to educate her therapist about giftedness, because very, very few mental health practitioners know the first thing about it."
by Dr. David Stewart, Ph.D.
The Chemistry of Essential Oils
If you tell most medical doctors that essential oils bring about healing with no negative side effects, they won’t believe you. This is because in medical school, students are repeatedly told by their professors that all effective medicines have negative side effects, and if they don’t then they can’t be effective.
When I was in medical school one professor emphasized this point in a colorful, graphic manner with specially prepared slides. In each slide specific drugs were depicted as evil looking demons or goblins. As he presented each picture, he explained, “Although ugly and capable of doing harm, these ‘demons’ are also the bearers of some good. So long as the benefits outweigh the risks, we use them,” he summarized. “We have no choice,” he continued, “because if a drug has no dangers, then it can have no benefits. That’s just the way it is. And that’s why it is essential that only qualified physicians be allowed to prescribe medicines,” he concluded.
Actually, the professor was telling the truth. Within the restricted practice of allopathy (MDs) the only real medicines are physician prescribed pharmaceuticals. Such medicines always do have negative side effects. All of them. No exceptions. Hence, doctors are trained to accept the bad with the good as the price of effective medicine.
The Danger is in the Drug Itself The dangers of prescription drugs are intrinsic to the drugs themselves, not in how they are administered. No matter how careful the physician in prescribing and how compliant the patient in following doctor’s orders, even then deaths and damages occur. In fact, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, more than 100,000 Americans die every year, not from illegal drugs, not from drug overdoses, not from over-the-counter drugs, and not from drug abuses, but from properly prescribed, properly taken prescriptions. In this country, more people die from doctor’s prescriptions every ten days than were killed in the 9/11 terrorist attacks.
Why is this so? Why do allopathic drugs always have undesirable effects (along with their apparent benefits) while one can find healing with natural products, such as essential oils, with no undesirable effects? Here is why.
Why Companies Deliberately Sell Dangerous Products It is illegal to patent any natural product. The way to big profits in the medicine industry is to create an unnatural substance that never before existed in nature, then patent it, and obtain a monopoly. Hence, the molecules of pharmaceutical drugs are all strange to the human body. In all the history of humankind, such molecules were never encountered or taken into any human body. Hence, the body does not easily metabolize them. God never made your body to accept and deal with these chemicals and antibiotics.
Non-toxic natural organic substances are usually easily eliminated by the body when their usefulness has run their course. Up to a point, your body can even deal with and eliminate natural toxic substances. But when your body receives a synthetic substance, even one that may seem benign or inert (like plastic), your body does not know how to metabolize and eliminate it. If sent to the liver to break it down into disposable compounds, the liver says, “Hey. What is this? I don’t know what to do with it. Here kidneys, you take it.” Then the kidneys react saying, “Hey liver, don’t send it to us. We don’t know what it is either. Send it to the pancreas. Maybe it will have an enzyme that can deal with it.” Then the pancreas objects, “Hey guys, what do you think you are doing? I don’t want this stuff. Dump it in the blood or the lymph or try the spleen. Maybe the spleen can filter this thing out or something.” Finally, the substance ends up in the long term waste holding area of the body (usually fat tissue, including the brain) where it can remain for years and even for a lifetime, perturbing normal body functions as long as it remains. That’s why you can find traces of prescription drugs in your body taken in childhood, decades ago.
On the other hand, natural molecules, such as those found in essential oils, are easily metabolized by the body. In fact, your body was created to handle them. When an essential oil molecule finds the receptor sites it was designed to fit and conveys its information to the cell, or participates in other therapeutic functions, it then goes on its way to the liver and the kidneys and moves out of the body. Its benefits have been conveyed and its job is complete.
By contrast, the unnatural molecules of man-made drugs attach themselves to various tissues, disrupting normal function for years while the body tries to figure out what to do with them. Meanwhile, they wreak mischief with our bodily functions and even our minds.
Who is in Control? Another reason commercial drug companies don’t want to sell natural products is that they are not in complete control of their production. When you synthesize everything in a laboratory, you are in control. You can produce your medicines at will, in any quantity, whenever you choose. This way you can meet market demands as they materialize.
When you depend on nature to grow your product, God is in control. You are at the mercy of the seasons. You can only grow so much with a given year’s crop. If a year’s supply runs out before the next crop is ready for harvest, then you and your customers just have to wait. Meanwhile, you lose potential sales and profits.
Drug companies want to be totally in charge of producing their products. They don’t want God to be in charge. By omitting God from the manufacture of their medicines, they have omitted his healing power.
Drugs versus Oils Drugs and oils work in opposite ways. Drugs toxify. Oils detoxify. Drugs clog and confuse receptor sites. Oils clean receptor sites.
Drugs depress the immune system. Oils strengthen the immune system. Antibiotics attack bacteria indiscriminately, killing both the good and the bad. Oils attack only the harmful bacteria, allowing our body’s friendly flora to flourish.
Drugs are one-dimensional, programmed like robots to carry out certain actions in the body, whether the body can benefit from them or not. When body conditions change, drugs keep on doing what they were doing, even when their actions are no longer beneficial.
Essential oils are multi-dimensional, filled with homeostatic intelligence to restore the body to a state of healthy balance. When body conditions change, oils adapt, raising or lowering blood pressure as needed, stimulating or repressing enzyme activity as needed, energizing or relaxing as needed. Oils are smart. Drugs are dumb.
Drugs are designed to send misinformation to cells or block certain receptor sites in order to trick the body into giving up symptoms. But drugs never deal with the actual causes of disease. They aren’t designed for that purpose. While they may give prompt relief for certain uncomfortable symptoms, because of their strange, unnatural design, they will always disrupt certain other bodily functions. Thus, you always have some side effects.
Oil molecules send information to cells and cleanse receptor sites so that they bring your body back to natural function. Oils are balancing to the body. Drugs are unbalancing to the body. Oils address the causes of disease at a cellular level by deleting misinformation and reprogramming correct information so that cells function properly and in harmony with one another. With drugs, misinformation is fed into the cells so that some temporary relief may be obtained, but there is never any true healing. Drugs only trade one kind of disease for another.
Because essential oils properly applied always work toward the restoration of proper bodily function, they do not cause undesirable side effects. They are feeding the body with truth. Drugs feed the body with lies. While no amount of truth can contradict itself, it doesn’t take many lies before contradictions occur and the body suffers ill effects.
Eighteen Doctors Speak Out Not all physicians are caught up in the idea that the only good medicines are ones that can also be harmful. Here are some comments by physicians, themselves, on the practice of medicine.
“Every educated physician knows that most diseases are not appreciably helped by medicine.”
Richard C. Cabot, M.D. Professor Harvard School of Medicine; Author of Differential Diagnosis, The Art of Ministering to the Sick, and other books.
“The cause of most disease is in the poisonous drugs physicians superstitiously give in order to effect a cure.”
Charles E. Page, M.D.
“Medicines are of subordinate importance because of their very nature, they can only work symptomatically.”
Hans Kusche, M.D.
“The person who takes medicine must recover twice, once from the disease and once from the medicine.”
William Osler, M.D.
“If all the medicine in the world were thrown into the sea, it would be bad for the fish and good for humanity”
O.W. Holmes, M.D. American Poet, Professor of Medicine, Dartmouth College and Harvard University
“Drug medications consist in employing, as remedies for disease, those things which produce disease in well persons. Its materia medica is simply a lot of drugs or chemicals or dye-stuffs—in a word poisons. All are incompatible with vital matter; all produce disease when brought in contact in any manner with the living; all are poisons.”
R.T. Trail, M.D. Author of The True Healing Art and other books. Quote from a lecture to members of Congress and the medical profession, Smithsonian Institute, Washington D.C.
”Every drug increases and complicates the patients condition.”
Robert Henderson, M.D.
“The greatest part of all chronic disease is created by the suppression of acute disease by drug poisoning.”
Henry Lindlahr, M.D. Author of Diagnostic Methods, Nature Cure: Philosophy and Practice, Natural Therapeutics, and other books.
“Medicine is only palliative, for back of disease lies the cause, and this cause no drug can reach.”
Wier Mitchel, M.D.
“Medical practice has neither philosophy nor common sense to recommend it. In sickness the body is already loaded with impurities. By taking drug – medicines more impurities are added, thereby the case is further embarrassed and harder to cure.”
Elmer Lee, M.D. Past Vice President, Academy of Medicine.
“Our figures show approximately four and one half million hospital admissions annually due to the adverse reactions to drugs. Further, the average hospital patient has as much as thirty percent chance, depending how long he is in, of doubling his stay due to adverse drug reactions.”
Milton Silverman, M.D. Professor of Pharmacology, University of California. Author, The Drugging of America, Prescription for Death, and other books.
“What hope is there for medical science to ever become a true science when the entire structure of medical knowledge is built around the idea that there is an entity called disease which can be expelled when the right drug is found?”
John H. Tilden, M.D. Author of Impaired Health, Etiology, Hygiemic, and Dietetic Treatment of Appendicitis, and other books and articles.
“We are prone to thinking of drug abuse in terms of the male population and illicit drugs such as heroin, cocaine, and marijuana. It may surprise you to learn that a greater problem exists with millions of women dependent on legal prescription drugs.”
Robert Mendelsohn, M.D. Chairman, Illinois State Medical Licensing Board, Author of Confessions of a Medical Heretic, How to Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of Your Doctor, and other books.
“Why would a patient swallow a poison because he is ill, or take that which would make a well man sick.”
L.F. Kebler, M.D. Author of Technical Drug Studies, Medicated Soft Drinks, and other works.
“Drugs never cure disease. They merely hush the voice of nature’s protest, and pull down the danger signals she erects along the pathway of transgression. Any poison taken into the system has to be reckoned with later on even though it palliates present symptoms. Pain may disappear, but the patient is left in a worse condition, though unconscious of it at the time.”
Daniel. H. Kress, M.D. Author of The Cost to Society of Cigarettes: A Century of Analysis, Ulcers and Smoking, and other books.
“There are over 10 million adverse reactions yearly from FDA-approved over-the-counter and prescription drugs. We are not talking about mild nausea or headaches. Between 60,000 and 140,000 people die each year from adverse drug reactions. Each year, more Americans die after taking prescription drugs than died in the entire Vietnam war. Over half the drugs approved by the FDA since 1976 were later found to be much more toxic than previously thought. Several had to be removed from the market.”
Julian Whitaker, M.D. Author of Reversing Heart Disease, Guide to Natural Healing, The Heart Surgery Trap, and other books.
“There are significant efforts by insurance companies to exclude preventive health care and education and the use of natural, inexpensive remedies, while ignoring the benefits of nutrition. At the same time they pay huge medical claims to hospitals for surgery and pharmaceutical products. There is an unwritten agreement between hospitals and insurance providers to reimburse the hospitals for services performed in hospitals – to scratch each other’s back – so to speak. There is a hidden agenda in this. If insurance providers pay hospitals for patients’ medical claims, then at the end of the year the insurance companies can go to the state insurance commissions with their track records and request a premium increase. A premium increase translates into more profit for the insurance carriers as well as the hospitals.”
Terry S. Friedmann, M.D. Author of Freedom Through Health and other publications. Co-founder and Board Member, American Holistic Medical Association.
“The necessity of teaching mankind not to take drugs and medicines, is a duty incumbent upon all who know their uncertainty and injurious effects; and the time is not far distant when the drug system will be abandoned.”
Charles Armbruster, M.D.
So there you have it, why oils heal and drugs don’t. Let’s hope Dr. Armbruster is right, that “the time is not far distant when the drug system will be abandoned.” Pharmaceutical companies and their physician drug dealers could market and sell natural products with genuine healing capabilities, but most won’t. There isn’t any money in it.
Emergency Medicine is the Best of Medicine In Dr. Robert Mendelsohn’s book, Confessions of a Medical Heretic, he describes medicine as a practice of religion rather than a practice of science. Doctors practice what they believe, not what they can substantiate by valid science. According to Mendelsohn, in the religion of medicine, physicians are the high priests and their ecclesiastical robes are their white coats. Hospitals are the temples where many holy waters are dispensed in the form of drugs, antibiotics, and vaccines. People tithe to the church of medicine by dutifully paying their insurance premiums. The word “prescription” is very close to the term “prescriptural,” thus implying a scriptural basis for their use. The Holy Bible containing the scriptures of medicine is the Pharmaceutical PDR. For millions of people, their faith and confidence in the religion of medicine is far greater than their belief in the institutions of worship they may attend. In a crisis, they would sooner call 911 than call upon God in prayer.
Dr. Mendelsohn was a practicing pediatrician at the Michael Reese Medical Center in Chicago, a professor at the University of Illinois School of Medicine, Chairman of the Illinois State Licensing Board, and appeared on national television many times. He is author of another book entitled, How to Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of Your Doctor, where he states, “When it comes to treating a sick child, one grandmother is worth two pediatricians.” He also often said, “If you always assume your doctor is wrong, most of the time you will be right.” In Dr. Mendelsohn’s opinion, “The best of medicine is emergency medicine.” I agree. When it comes to chronic disease, they have little or nothing to offer – no cures, only treatments and disease management.
I don’t want to imply that there is no use for medical care as we have it today. If I were in a serious accident with a massive head injury, damage to my internal organs, or a broken limb, I would want to go to the nearest emergency room as fast as possible with the best physicians and nurses on staff. Allopathic medicine is wonderful in a crisis and saves many lives. Emergency medicine is what they do best. In a traumatic situation where you could die unless immediate action is taken, allopathy with all of its drugs, surgeries, equipment, and other paraphernalia can be just what you need to get through the crisis.
But as for healing, allopathic medicine doesn’t offer much. After you have been rescued by allopathic measures from imminent death in an emergency situation, the healing is still up to you by seeking other modalities. And when it comes to chronic illness like cancer, arthritis, diabetes, or cardiovascular disease, allopathy has no cures and usually makes matters worse.
One reason medical practitioners do best in a crisis is because that is the emphasis in their training. In fact, in America, 85% of medical expenditures are for crisis applications – responding to accidents, acute life-threatening conditions, or patching up the body when seriously advanced disease has occurred and death may be imminent. Meanwhile, less than 6% of health care expenditures are for prevention and wellness education.
True healing can only take place with the participation of the patient on all levels – mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical. The idea of “leaving it to the doctor” leads to unending sickness and poor health. Health care and health maintenance is something you do for yourself, with the help of God. Not something for which you pay your money and continue to do as you please without altering your lifestyle.
Health care is your responsibility – not the government’s, not the insurance company’s, not the health care system’s, and not the doctor’s.
Can the Present Health Care System Change? In my opinion, changing the medical system toward natural and spiritual forms of healing that encourage more individual responsibility is impossible. The system can’t change. It won’t change. It must be replaced. There was a time for horses and buggies, but when automobiles came along people gave up their former ways of transportation. There is also a time to repair your car and keep it, and a time to discard it for a new one. The medical profession is a sophisticated machine, but it rests on a fallacious foundation. Its philosophical basis is like a Model-T Ford stuck in the mud that can’t move and won’t change.
There is a time to repair the old car and a time to replace it. The current medical system is an old car, beyond repair, parked on a false foundation. It survives, not because it serves the good of humanity, but because it has become politically entrenched in our society. The time has come to remove its legal franchise and replace it by allowing alternative modalities to flourish free of the shackles placed upon them by allopathy’s monopolistic intent.
Terry Friedmann, MD, in his book, Freedom Through Health, envisions a new holistic system to replace the current one that emphasizes personal responsibility and fosters cooperative relationships among many modalities with allopathy playing only a minor role. Dr. Friedmann’s new health care model would include nutrition, exercise, stress management, and aromatherapy, to address the whole person – mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. In their books, Robert Mendelsohn, MD, and Richard Gerber, MD, also foresee a new holistic medical paradigm – one not dependent on allopathic drugs and procedures as its primary focus.
The time has come to move on to paradigms and modalities based on different premises than those that underlie modern allopathy. Those of you who have opted out of the system in favor of essential oils and their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual benefits are among the pioneers who are replacing the system.
As for those of you who have taken over-the-counter or prescription drugs over long periods of time, essential oils are your best friend because they can cleanse the residues of these toxins from your system once and for all and help restore your body back to its natural healthy state.
Excerpted from the book: The Chemistry of Essential Oils Made Simple: God’s Love Manifest in Molecules - Chapter 11
Copyright Care Publications – All rights reserved.
About the Author Dr. David Stewart studied theology, philosophy, and English at Central Methodist College in Fayette, Missouri (1955-58) and studied chemistry, biology and social sciences at Central Missouri State University in Warrensburg (1962-63). He also studied commercial photography at Los Angeles Trade Technical College (1959-60). He completed a BS degree in Mathematics and Physics at Missouri School of Mines and Metallurgy in 1965 and was salutatorian of his graduating class. His MS and PhD degrees are in geophysics (theoretical seismology) and were earned from the University of Missouri at Rolla in 1969 and 1971 respectively. He spent a semester in medical school at the University of North Carolina (1973) and has been a Certified Childbirth Educator (CCE) with the American Academy of Husband-Coached Childbirth (AAHCC) since 1975.
Dr. Stewart is also a Registered Aromatherapist (RA) with the nationally recognized Aromatherapy Registration Council (ARC), which is endorsed by the National Association of Holistic Aromatherapists (NAHA), of which he is a member.
He has held positions as a hydraulic engineer and hydrologist with the U.S. Geological Survey in Southern California (1965-67). He was a professor on the faculty of the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, (1971-1978) and also held a professorship at Southeast Missouri State University (1988-1993). He was also a part-time United Methodist Pastor (1993-94, 1997-99) in rural Missouri. He has been the Executive Director of the InterNational Association of Parents and Professionals for Safe Alternatives in Childbirth (NAPSAC International) since its founding in 1975.
For most of his professional career, Dr. Stewart has been self-employed as an author and lecturer, mainly in the area of alternative health care. He has also served on advisory committees to the American Public Health Association (APHA) and the American College of Nurse-Midwives (ACNM). He has testified as an expert on health matters before state legislative committees, U.S. congressional committees, medical licensing boards and courts of law throughout the U.S. as well as in Canada.
He has authored or coauthored over 200 published works including more than a dozen books (including Healing Oils of the Bible). Two of his books won the “Books of the Year” Award from the American Journal of Nursing. One of his flyers on breastfeeding (published by La Leche League International, LLLI) sold over two million copies in ten languages.
Original Post Source: http://healthimpactnews.com/2013/why-essential-oils-heal-and-drugs-dont/
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Over a great number of years, I have been gathering knowledge and wisdom in preparation to write a book expressing spiritual fitness at it's most ideal level. These are aspiration, goals, and deep truths. Please respect that this is copyrighted material and can only be copied with direct, written consent.
It can be shared, whole without request. Thank you and blessings.
Guidelines Toward a Path to Higher Awareness with Supreme Spiritual Fitness:
~Keep it Clean: Clean up your thoughts, food & water, speech, personal items, space. Respect both the inner and the outer realms. As above, so below, as below, so above. They reflect one another.
~Toss Away the Poverty Consciousness: You were born completely abundant. Affirm your protection in the pure Light of Love. Trust that when you need it, ask and it will be presented to you.
~Stop Doer-ism: It will never all get done. Affirm that you are already whole and complete. It is already perfectly aligned. You are already loved, there is nothing to prove. BE. Now listen within that BEing, then act.
~Egoic Agendas are Illusions: There is no agenda other than the One Agenda of the Pure Light of Love that you are. Your separate agendas come from the ego, which is under the delusion of separation. Let go of your wants again and again, the truth will return to you, again and again.
~Dump the Drama: The ego loves to waste time with petty dramas, ping-pong arguments and emotional moodiness. A wise person walks away from immature drama. Refuse to play that game.
~Speak your Truth, Even if it's Ugly: In order to clear up an energy that is attempting to release, one must speak to it. For example, "I am feeling angry AND I am bringing compassion with me." If you are afraid to speak because you are concerned that someone won't like you, this is egoic. You do a great service to all when you speak your Truth in the moment. Fake nice, is just that, fake. Passive-aggressive behaviours create more chaos and turbulence. To be real is to be truthful. Then you will attract integrity to you, in all areas of your life.
~Take Full Responsibility: It is all your creation. There is no one or nothing to blame. Everything is merely your own projection coming from your holographic mind film reel. Own your junk so you can discard it. You can toss anything away you do not hold in your hands. Even if you think it has nothing to do with you, approach the matter ready to take full responsibility. It will let the ego back down and help the others involved do the same.
~You Always Hold a Mirror in Relationship: If something about another bothers YOU, then YOU have that as a part of you, too. It may be on a different section of your growth spirals, however it is there for you to consciously look at and reflect upon. Look to YOU first, not the 'other'. In the Highest Truth, there is no other.
~Halt the Mind Tapes: Tell your hypothalamus directly to stop sending it's neurochemical cascade. You are a mind-body-spirit-soul complex. You have the power to command your own systems. If your mind is going on and on about how someone did this or that to you, take control or step back from it. This is not the real you, it is an attempt from the ego to tire your resolve and make your mind a mess of muck. Go meditate if you can't clear it via command or at least laugh at yourself for a while and walk away from the scene. Always deal with it.
~End the Shame/Blame/Guilt Triad: We learn mainly through the polarities of our experiences. Forgive yourself at every moment, if necessary. You are infinitely loved, in fact, you ARE Love. There is nothing in Truth to feel bad about. Stop hurting yourself. You are worthy. Mistakes are lessons. We are perfect within our imperfections.
~Bye Bye Excuses: "I did this because of that" or "I couldn't do this because of that." Uh-oh. Stop making excuses for your behaviour and perceived short comings. Use that energy instead to seek consciously for the reasons of your behaviour. Apologize if you think you have erred and move on. Everything has perfect timing. No pushing and no pulling. When it is the right time for something and you have set the intention for it to come to fruition, it will happen with ease. Ease is not laziness, ease is listening deeply.
These are only a few of the guidelines I have prepared, however it is something you can begin to contemplate, discuss, meditate on and apply in your life. When the truth is tested, the answers are clear and verifiable. When it comes from the false self, patterns rise to the surface and become predictable and thereby, avoidable. This is a path to wisdom, working in relationship with others and healthy community building.
This material is copyrighted but the total post can be shared via this website, intact and whole.
Amandha D. Vollmer BSc., ND cand, Reiki Master
Amandha D. Vollmer
This creative mompreneur herbalist